Today, I am thankful for bluntness.
Either I’m suffering from amnesia, or this Monday is the worst case of the Mondays yet. I couldn’t find the strength to focus on anything today. I sleptwalk through my classes, drowsily floating.
I missed chapel. I missed a meeting. I was late to class. Instead of participating in any of these things, I blankly stared at my computer screen for hours, occasionally committing sentences that were rewritten and rewritten and rewritten. Three and a half hours, one missed meeting, and two tardy classes later, I finally gave up.
I went to bed, letting Monday win.
Then, I woke up and went to dinner. Someone in the line asked me how my day was, as people at Taylor always do. So, I was honest.
I took a deep breath, and explained, “You know, I’m having a terrible day. I haven’t been able, for whatever reason, been able to get anything done. I know it’s just because I’m lazy, but I have been staring at a computer screen for the last three and a half hours, unable to lift a finger. Unable to do a thing. I feel powerless and useless.”
Heavy conversation for a cafeteria food line, I know.
I talked to another friend of mine, Ellen, about my lousy day and my apathy. She empathized as though I were talking about this relative I had lost in some sort of tragic boating accident. It was heartwarming and a bit hilarious.
There was something empowering and energizing about blunt honesty. I’m so…trained to sugarcoat my day. I have a stash of nine or ten key phrases that I toss out at people I pass on our campus walkways. Blunt honesty allows me to drop the sugarcoating and be more exposed. Be more naked. I think there are few things I hate in the world more than being naked, but it is something that I could definitely work on. Openness!
Being open allows others to see me as I am, which allows me to see them as they are. It’s embarrassing, encouraging, and beautiful. None of this is to say that whining is a good thing. I am merely suggesting that perhaps we sugarcoat our days a bit too often, and that we lose honesty in the pressure to appear content.
It is for these reasons that I am thankful today for bluntness. For openness. For honesty. What are you thankful for today?